In my previous blogs/vlogs I mentioned many times that one question that has changed my life is 'Who Am I?'. I am with this question for last 5-6 years. Today I am going to share all those answers which I have got, so lets start.
I started with my body. I started observing sensations in body as I learnt in Vipassana course. After few months of practice what I came to know is all the sensations are temporary. Every sensation is just coming and going. If I observe the sensation and react to it, its intensity gets increased. Whenever you don't react and just observe it, it passes away.
The biggest sensation I felt was in my throat. Whenever I was meditating after few minutes (after 40-50minutes) I was having a strange sensation in my throat and sometimes it was causing me pain, unbearable pain.. I was feeling like something like needle is coming out through my throat. Whenever I was having that sensation I was crying a lot. In initial few days I was used to get scared of this sensation and used to quit my meditation(jfyi this is not related to kundalini).
After a few years, with practice intensity of that sensation decreased. Other normal sensations like tickling, scratching, hotness, coldness, numbness, backpain etc. I was able to handle them very well. Whenever you observe the sensation you come to know that it is just a vibration.. an energy. Our whole body is made up of these vibrations.
You can verify it by yourself. Now a days there are lot of scientific researches going on. One of the reasarches is 'The Observer Effect' (quantum physics experiment) which proves that whenever there is an observer a particle behaves like a particle but in the absence of an observer it behaves like a wave, here science thinks that the camera is the observer.
Now I am going to tell you the biggest secret that even science doesn't know.
What science is thinking, the camera or the recording tool is the 'observer' (you can search 'the observer effect' on youtube)
But the truth I found is the observer is the one who is observing through the instrument. Same applies to the body. The body is not an observer. The body is an 'instrument' through which the observer is observing. The observer is observing the world through the 5 senses of this body touch, nose, ears, eyes & toung. Same as there are image sensors in the camera.
Whenever I go deep into meditation and loose the senses/observe without the senses i.e. I close my eyes, slowly I stop hearing sounds, I can't taste as toung goes numb, and as I observe breath slows down and at some point it is not there I stop breathing or it becomes very subtle, the whole body becomes numb. Now there is no instrument. The observer have to observe without the instrument, and he observes the reality. He can see the things as it is. That is what the quantum physics experiment proves. 'the particle behaves like a wave'. I get to know that this body is just a vibration/wave and I am not this body.
Whatever I eat, it becomes my body. Food is also an energy. My 'body' can't live without food, water, sunlight, air & space. My body is made up of 5 elements prithvi, jal, agni, vayu & akash which is also written in our scriptures.
Prithvi means food that comes from earth, jal means water, agni means sunlight/temparature, vayu means air/breath and akash means space.
Medical science has done so much progress that it can transplant body parts or organs of one person to another. Heart transplant, brain transplant, eye transplant every body part can be transplanted, then how can 'I' be this body? I experienced that I am not this body and even science has proved it. I have seen my body changing since my childhood. But the observer who is observing this change is not changing, it is constant.
I continued questioning.. who is this observer?? who is operating this body?? Is it the observer?? Is it nature or any energy?? or is it the mind?? What is mind??
Will continue this self discovery in my next blog.
'I Am Not This Mind'
